I still don’t know who I am. But I am starting to find out. I’ve successfully not been approached by people giving me a hard time about being transgender in public. Often they can’t even tell. My voice is getting better and more natural. I am starting to get comfortable in my own skin for once. Wife and I went to a friends party and I actually talked to most everyone there. Usually I tend to hide at parties because of awkwardness or annoyance. I don’t think I’ve ever been that social.
I’ve been feeling kind of lost lately about where I need to go, about what’s next. I need to write down my goals. To split them into parts that can realistically be done. I also need to remind myself that this is a slow process and to not try and get ahead of myself. I have made great strides already.
Safety has been on my mind lately, enough that I decided to buy a defense weapon. Something innocuous that can hurt but is hard to be lethal. I don’t want to carry a gun, knife, or something illegal. Thank you so much to Jessica for the help with this. (her blog is over here: https://jessicasboudoire.wordpress.com/) I am getting a tactical light. It has a bright LED that can be turned on by your thumb, it can strobe, has metal teeth on the lens cover, and is small enough to be enclosed in my hand. Just enough of it sticks out to cause painful damage using krav maga/self-defense strikes. In the types of situations where a trans person could be in danger, this is something you should think about. People suck, some are violent especially when drinking. Any one can be in a situation like this, but statistically it will happen to people like me more often.
I was talking to a friend today and realized that anxiety I had before just has not been an issue for me lately. Yea I still get scared in public, but its not scared enough to not be myself. Around my close friends its so great to be myself. Its almost like they are meeting me again for the first time I feel. And I am learning so much about myself in the process.