I haven’t written here in a while. And all the stuff I’ve written on fb will be more of the same here. But I don’t care. This is the story of me. I am happy when there are those who chose to read my words, as sappy as they are. Happiness is not a feeling I’ve known. Not true happiness anyway. Not until now.
A lot of you already know and have probably grown weary of hearing about my wonderful new relationship. I am gushing and continue to do so. Connection of this type is something I’ve not experienced before. There are parts of me I do not share with the world. We all have those parts deep inside that we keep to ourselves. Those parts we don’t share, even with our partners. To bear it all to one person takes a lot of courage. For someone to see you, see through you, see all parts of you, is a scary thing. But it doesn’t have to be.
Everyone had an energy about them. We feel it when we feel that love of a friend, that familiarity with people we see and look forward to seeing. We feel it when we get that gut feeling that something is not right about someone, or when we get the creeps from someone. The first thing I felt when I met her was a strong energy. One that was kind of intimidating but in a sense, inviting once we started talking. Then it became a feeling I could trust. There was already a connection forming even then. Then I asked her for a hug, a cuddle, etc. Someone I didn’t know well, someone who projected this confidence, holding me. Helping me feel like things will be ok.
We both started to have a deeper connection. She felt she wanted to protect me. We started a platonic, mother/daughter dynamic. It was more than a friendship, a deeper one that was very nurturing and caring. But it was still a friendship. She had other relationships. I noticed how she looked at others and I could feel the energy between them. I stop there and start to compare the energy exchange with her relationships then and the energy with me.
When she looks at me now, I melt a little. I feel my body ease, my eyes soften. I could see how she eased when she looks at me, the smile that comes across her face. It was similar but different to another romantic relationship she had before. I wondered what it was. I think I now know. The energy we have exchanged has brought us closer. It’s as if I can tell what’s on her mind emotionally at times. I can see how she looks at me, what goes through her head. Yes, when she looks at me, it’s a much different feeling to past relationships. It’s hard to describe it, but now that I know it’s there, I don’t have to be told I’m special to her. I can feel it through my whole being. I have never experienced that from someone else. The way she looks at me is not at all the same as it is to others. I see that now, VERY clearly.
It’s mushy, gushy, cliche and sticky sweet love stuff. But I don’t care if it bothers others. I want to share every happy moment. I want to show the world that we have found something special together.
I love us. And I want to share the rest of my life with this wonderful person. I want to stay in this happiness and look forward to things I never thought I would want, but welcome with open arms.