Sympathy for those less fortunate

I find it strange but feel blessed that ever since I came out, I have not had to deal with the awful things most other Transgender people have to.  My family, as far as I know, has been supportive (the ones that have spoken to me at least).  My friends have been very supportive and not done the things “bad trans allies” do.  Sure there has been the occasional wrong pronoun here and there or misunderstanding of transgender issues.  But for the most part, I don’t deal with those issues often.  I often wonder why.

What did I do to avoid the judgement, ridicule, hatred, etc.  Why do I feel that I’ve dodged a huge bullet.  I feel free to be who I am for once in my life.  I regret not doing this sooner, but life is not a race.  The only thing I really lost was a companion that stopped caring a long time ago and it was honestly over way before I wanted to truly transition.

I am blessed to have people in my life who love me for who I am, no matter what that is.  I expected the worst.  I can blame that on the very real fear that others have to face.  I am scared to go elsewhere as I am because of the underling fear that I will run into the people who don’t ignore me and don’t like who I am.  No all transgender people have it remotely as easy as I have had it.  I already have a good paying job that I didn’t have to fight for.  Where they accept my female self without much issue.  I am the first transgender person on the payroll.  As far as I know, I am the only one in my family that has came out as a transgender person.  If there are others I’m related to that are, I don’t know about it.

Why was it so easy for me?  I can’t help but feel sorry for my transgender brothers and sisters who have not had it quite so easy.  I expected to fight a war to be who I am, but so far it’s not been as bad as others have had to experience.  I hope that those who do have it hard know that they are not alone.  That the fight is worth it and to not give up despite the odds.

Not going anywhere

When I think back on the past 6 months, I think wow…I went through a lot of shit in a short time.  I survived.  I get aftershocks of all the things that have happened and some things I will not mention here.  I am still affected by them.  But I continue to be here and breathe.  I have accepted that I am a person who some people will not accept, and that is ok.  I don’t need to change who I am or be someone I am not to please others.  I just need to be genuine to myself and just be.

It’s an odd feeling to have confidence.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not oozing with self empowerment.  But I have confidence where none existed before.  Even the little I have gained is a strange feeling.  I love this feeling, I can feel it in the way I carry myself.  I can really tell when I am not feeling very confident instead of it all being a blur.  I know who I am.  I know what I like and what I hate.  I am not ashamed of it.  Although, I do hide some of it because others might not be able to handle it or may get offended.  If they find out so be it.  I am not going to hide it.  Hell if someone asks I will tell them.  But I am not just going to give that.  People get uncomfortable with things they do not understand.  I am not here for others comfort.  I love my friends and family, but I can’t change who I am.  All I can do is just not bring it up unless it’s important.

I have went through and continue to go through lots of trials.  I am happy I survived and continue to keep on going forward.  I am still dumbfounded by the difference from being one thing most of my life, and now not hiding anymore.