Out of the tunnel, into the light.

Wow are the words that are coming to mind immediately.  It has been a hell of a week already.  So before my dad got the letter in the mail, I came out to my brother and sister in law.  After talking to my wife, I realized I should tell them just in case dad didn’t take it well.  I was really surprised how accepting they were.  Brother even said “its about time you said something”.  Dad read the letter the next day.  He messaged me, said he read it twice.  Said that he may need to change the way he looks at things.  That he loves me no matter what.  I never expected this.  I was told at work yesterday that I should probably cut my hair.  I had a huge dysphoria attack.  I finally got the bravery to go talk to my boss (she is the director of our department and the one that had gave me the warning).  She was accepting and understood.  Her only request was that I keep it tied back and it look clean.  She was very accepting and did not judge me for it.

I feel like I’ve been overly judgmental about people before I even told them news about me.  Fully expecting a bad reaction without giving them the benefit of a doubt.  Although I had plenty of reason to think otherwise in some cases, I can’t help but feel a bit silly over it.  I had nothing to worry about and have support from everyone I care about.  This is not common for people going through this.  I have read and heard horror stories and that is what scared me a bit.  I knew it would not be easy, but after reading and hearing all of it, I was very hesitant.

This week has been a roller coaster.  Not everything has been great.  I will not name anyone or provide details, but 4 friends have expressed the thought or want to commit suicide.  I’ve never been one to think this is just a cry for attention.  I take it seriously as most of us should.  It hurts to see this happening to people I care about.  I have a problem with empathy.  I feel others pain very easily.  Even those I don’t know that well.  I am compelled to help, but feel unequipped to do so.  I have been there, I’ve had those thoughts and feelings before.  It’s what helped make me decide to make a change.  Not everyone can make a change though due to circumstances beyond peoples control.  This country, no this world should really take mental health more seriously.  There are a lot of us that have mental issues.  No one should be ashamed to admit they can’t handle stress, anxiety, depression.  The world can be a terrible/harsh place.  If you ever have a friend that feels they have no other choice, that there is no alternative, try to talk to them if you can.  Let them know they are loved, no scratch that, tell them now before they feel its too late.  Random acts of kindness go a long way I think.  You don’t have to spend money or anything fancy.  Just tell your friend, family, relative that you love them and like having them around.  It may not seem like much, but it can mean the world when you feel there is nothing you can do to feel better.  If you ever find someone who is in crisis, please find a 24/7 crisis line if you are not able to help.  We often get offended by how others say things or do not have the right words to say to not trigger the person in need.  If you yourself are ever in crisis, remember, you are not alone, you should not be ashamed.  Call for help, please.  Call your friend, call your family, call a crisis line if none of those are working.  You are worth more than what you may think or feel.  Especially to those you love.  Often those that love you forget or don’t know how to express it.  That does not mean its not there.

I want to thank Jessica for the post she put up on her blog here:  https://jessicasboudoire.wordpress.com/2016/04/13/a-little-cheer-in-an-otherwise-dull-week/

She is also on a journey like I am and has to overcome her own issues with family and friends.  I am happy that I could help lift her spirits about coming out.  It may not always be a happy experience.  We may even judge people wrong for it.  But in the end, if we all remember to love, then it can conquer all barriers.  It has to be equal for both sides.  I wish you the best of luck and will always be here throughout your journey Jessica.  And for those friends, scratch that, ALL of my friends, I am here for you as well whatever those issues may be.  Never forget that you are loved by many even if its not shown, even if its not told to you.

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